


Our Love

by flippednique



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angstangstangst, Did I Mention Angst?, Fighting, M/M, Retirement, Skating accident, So much trouble they're distant, Trouble In Paradise, Viktor asks for a divorce, Viktor gets a haircut, Viktor is awake, Viktor is in a coma, Viktor is in pain, Viktor is mildly depressed, Yuri yells in hospitals, Yuuri agrees, Yuuri gets engaged, Yuuri is dating someone else, Yuuri still loves him, for now at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 05:58:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flippednique/pseuds/flippednique
Summary: "I want a divorce."There was a barrage of emotions on Yuuri's face that ranged from shock, to hurt, to disbelief, to pained, to angry, to livid before he pulled away from Viktor completely, grabbed his scarf and left the house with the door banging on his way out.The word, "Fine." rang like a death sentence.Strangely enough, Viktor felt like he could breathe.





	1. I feel broke

**Author's Note:**

> This is for all the awesome people who are members of Yuri on Ice ⛸ Group! I hope you like it XD

When people thought of Viktor Nikiforov it was almost synonymous to Katsuki Yuuri- or Yuuri Katsuki, if you wanted to be technical about it. There was simply just no way you could think of either without the other instantly coming up to mind.

And that was the way Viktor liked it.

It made sense of course, their love story did not begin as most usually did. Well, yes there had been a banquet, but since alcohol managed to make the entire encounter practically non-existent it didn't really count. That didn't stop Phichit from using it in his speech as best man though and it got a lot of laughs from the audience and a lot of blushing from Yuuri.

Viktor had come to a point in his life where he was just... happy. Everything, for once, was working out for him in the best ways possible. He had never imagined that he would one day be able to do the thing he loved (skating) with the love of his life (Yuuri). Even more so, was that it was the love of his life fueling him to do the thing he loved the most. It had always been his belief that he would either have to give up one for the other. Chris had thought so too and had often called him out for being so lucky. Each time that happened, the Russian skater could only stop and stare at his husband and marvel over at just how lucky he truly was.

That luck had run out eventually.

It was not unheard of for figure skaters to fall on the ice, in fact, it was even considered some sort of rite of passage to nick yourself, if not on your blades then on the ice during competition. His luck had been pretty dry by then for it to have both happened on the same day and at the same time.

_"V-Viktor don't... don't move!"_

Yuuri had done all that he could sans getting on his knees and snapping Viktor's bone back into his leg himself. The fact that he had the strength to get up and call for an ambulance had definitely been the most of his capabilities given the situation. Help could not have gotten there soon enough.

* * *

**_*Figure skating has lost one of its most prized skaters on this very sad day. After a devastating accident two weeks before the Grand Prix Final in his home rink, Viktor Nikiforov-Katsuki has now announced his retirement which has been hounding him since the day he turned twenty-seven, and promptly took a break from skating to coach. Of course we all saw his outstanding comeback not a year after where he competed side by side with his proteges, the then Yuuri Katsuki and Yuri Plisetsky. At age thirty-one, it was only just a matter of time before the skater himself kicked the bucket on his competitive career, and he and his coach announced that this would be his last season- a one last round, so to speak, on the ice with his husband, Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov. Due to current circumstances he will be unable to finish this last competition and is set to recover on what was officially confirmed to be a broken leg and broken ligament. Fans who saw the video footage of Nikiforov-Katsuki's fall note that the Russian figure skater seemed to have messed up not just any old jump but his very own signature move, the Quad Loop._ **

Viktor does not know how to feel as the news anchor then switched to something else, he really couldn't be bothered to care. There was just something about having the life that you had be taken and ripped away from you in the mere seconds it took you to misjudge how much you weighed.  
  
Yuuri was fussing around him, seemingly unable to stay still long enough to see that what Viktor needed was some peace and quiet. His entire stay in the hospital after the surgery had been filled with visitors, and yes they truly meant well, it had just been too much in too short of a time. It was still so fresh, it did not even feel like a day has passed since he'd flubbed so disastorously on the ice.

Viktor turned the TV off and gingerly dropped the remote on the couch seat beside him, glaring hard at what he thought was his leg. It was very hard to tell since it was covered in so much gauze. White and white and white all over. Rolled up toilet paper. Fancy toilet paper.

He wanted to tear it all up.

"Viktor," Yuuri's hand was on top of the one he hadn't even realized he moved. Their rings glinted in the light of the living room and it pissed Viktor off to no end reminding him of the way spotlights had glinted off the blades of his skates.

He turns away. He does it a lot, does it pretty often, and on one day does it enough that Yuuri simply stops trying.

_"I'm... I'm going to go take Makkachin out for a walk, okay Vitya? Call me if... if you need anything."_

Had Viktor been looking, he might have felt just a tiny bit of guilt at how his husband's lips trembled at the corners and how his eyes seemed to glaze over with unshed tears. But he hadn't been looking at Yuuri or his dog as they made their way outside. He did not spare them a glance even when he heard the door shut.

It took weeks that turned to months before they could take the cast off. The doctor called it a miracle that Viktor could walk. He advised heavily on keeping it to simple steps and not pushing it to gliding on skates until at least six more months.

Yuuri promises to keep Viktor off the ice for as long as he could and if Viktor could have taken the moment to see beyond the joking smile on his husband's face, he would have noticed the hopeful look in his eyes. Once upon a time, he could have read Yuuri's thoughts from looking into those expressive eyes alone. We're all better now, Vitya? It's going to be okay now, right? We're taking this one small step at a time and we're going to make it together. I love you so much.

But Viktor could not look past his own misery to see that far. Six months, the doctor said, six months. He would wait that long.

It so happens that when the time came for him to reignite his passion, to find his first love again, Yuuri had to go to a get together of sorts with the rest of their friends. They had learned a long time ago to stop trying to get Viktor to join in.

With this development though, Yuuri had been hoping that this time would be different. Viktor, anxious to get on the ice once Yuuri left, had lost control of his words when Yuuri said something that made him snap.

"Stop. Don't tell me that you know what I'm going through. You have no idea how it feels to sit on your ass for almost an entire year, living like a plush doll to be stared at, poked, and talked to when you least feel like it." The rage was building up, the cabin fever, the anxiety, the pent up energy and it came out in a gushing river directed at Yuuri. "You keep trying to make me talk and go out but I don't want that, and for once I just wish you'd stop being so selfish."

"Selfish?" Yuuri sputtered, dropping the scarf he'd just been about to wrap around his neck. "You still think that after all this time we've been together that I'm _selfish?"_

"I do." Two words that he'd once said when he'd been asked to take Yuuri as his husband, the two words that had once brought them together for a life bound in marriage, now felt hollow and broken and weighed like a hundred pounds, sinking them both in deep water. Viktor licked his lips as he paced their livign room. "I don't know how you think you have any idea how I could possibly feel."

"I would have a clue if you'd just talk to me." Yuuri cut in.

"Look at you. You still have the capability to skate. That door has not been shut for you. That path has not been taken from you like it has been for me." Viktor rambled, everything he's been thinking for the past year that he's had nothing to turn to but his thoughts and bad reality television. "You gave up skating when you had so much going on for you. You could still be making it big right now."

"But that's not what I want." Yuuri murmured, breathless. He licked his lips as he stepped closer to Viktor before thinking better of it and sinking down on the couch. "You have to know that I stopped skating for you."

"No!" Viktor snapped and pointed a finger at Yuuri. "You do not retire from what was your greatest peak in your career just because I got an injury and gave you an easy way out of having to continue competing. You do not make that decision without consulting me, your coach, and make it seem like you did it for my benefit."

"You're right. You're right, I didn't do it for my coach. I did it for my husband." Yuuri's voice rose as did his position, back on his feet and his own finger pointed at Viktor. "I didn't wanna keep on skating to come home to you miserable day after damn day, but I got that anyways, right? We don't get everything we hope for, Viktor."

"And you think I _hoped_ for this?" Viktor gestured to himself, where he was still pacing with a slight limp in his step. "What I had _hopes_ for, was for you and your career and your love for skating. I had high _hopes_ that you would make it farther than I could ever even think of reaching. I had greater  _hopes_ that maybe you could live out our dreams for both of us. Instead, you chose to stay here and be miserable with me."

Yuuri said nothing.

Viktor ran a hand over his face. "You're not happy that you're not skating Yuuri. When I married you, I promised that I would do what I could to make you the happiest man on earth. You can't even help me by being true to _yourself_ , anymore? You made the decision to retire without thinking of the both of us."

"But I _did_ think-."

"No you did _not_!" Viktor would have stomped his foot if he wouldn't have toppled over like a blown bamboo stick. "You did not stop to think that giving up your dreams because of me, because of my accident would make me all the more guilty? You did not stop to think that when you gave up the part that made you feel alive also made me die a little inside?"

Yuuri was wrapping his arms around him, both their forms shaking from Viktor's trembling shoulders. "What matters to me is being with you, Viktor. I don't need skating if I have you."

"That's what you think now, but what will you feel when you realize how much you gave up for something that isn't even worth it?" Viktor asked, voice low. "I am not perfect, Yuuri. You of all people should know that I have my own problems and that I am not always the best at dealing with them. I know that you know that for me, skating has been _everything_. When I lost it, I felt like I have nothing. Without skating, I'm not worth the trouble."

Yuuri's grip tightened and he opened his mouth to say something, anything.

Viktor pulled back and stared him straight in the eyes.

**"I want a divorce."**

There was a barrage of emotions on Yuuri's face that ranged from shock, to hurt, to disbelief, to pained, to angry, to livid before he pulled away from Viktor completely, grabbed his scarf and left the house with the door banging on his way out.

The word, **"Fine."** rang like a death sentence.

Strangely enough, Viktor felt like he could _breathe._

The days morphed into weeks, and weeks turned into months in a cold familiar pattern. He barely saw Yuuri in their house, he saw more of Mila and Yuri. When did those two get along so well? Yakov showed up at one point, looking very somber and just a tad bit grim (when did he look any different?). He had a manila envelope tucked under his arm.

They contained divorce papers.

Viktor signed them without thinking twice.

Yuuri's stuff starts disappearing. A picture frame on the banister by the stairs, a flower vase they'd bought in China, some of Viktor's favorite DVDs. Gone.

Phichit has the decency to speak to him on the day he's collected the majority of Yuuri's things. He hovers by the door with a box under his arm, shifting nervously from foot to foot. "I hope... I hope you work things out between you and him. I'm still rooting for you, Viktor."

Viktor ignores him.

More days turned weeks, more months. He grows a year older, he's thirty-two now. His friends throw a party, he doesn't care. They brought vodka though, that cheered him up a little.

The next day he has a hangover, one that felt like his entire body had been drained of water. He stumbles into the bathroom, groping blindly for the medicine cabinet and grabs what he thinks is Asprin and swallows two down. He's on the floor in an hour, unmoving and breaths shallow and thin.

* * *

"Can you explain what the fuck happened? He's not on any antidepressants, not unless he managed to get some without a doctor's prescription."

"I'm afraid that Duramorph is his pain medication for his injury, Mr. Plisetsky. To me, it is more pressing that he got a hold of alcohol when you all know he's on drugs." Dr. Adams scribled something on her notepad, the only thing else making noise was the constant beeping of Viktor's heart monitor. "He seems to be doing okay physically. As well as he can since he's been practically immobile for an entire year. Muscle tone seems to be returning."

"Yes, he's been working out." Yuri nods his head jerkily. "Going to the gym gets him out of the house. We go once every two days. I know all about his physical condition, doc. What's going on inside his head. Why is he still asleep?"

Dr. Adams looks up and stares at him from behind her brown round glasses. She takes a moment to study him before setting her notepad aside and tucking a lock of her loose red hair behind one ear. "Let me be frank with you, Mr. Plisetsky. Viktor's situation has always been delicate. He's going through emotional distress and muscle wasting after months of being handicapped, the latter which he's recovering from nicely but at such a sluggish pace. This accident with alcohol and Duramorph, if I would have to presume, may very well be an attempt to kill himself."

Yuri, who had been listening intently, shook his head firmly. "Are you _mad_ , woman? He's not suicidal. I know Viktor and he would never do that."

"So you're saying that it's an accident that this man is on his way to an eternal coma?" Dr. Adams cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Fuck yeah, that's what I'm saying. Where the hell is Dr. Mazuri, she's the one who understands." Yuri turned away from her and to the door, opening it wide and sticking half his body out and yelling, "Yeah, where the hell is Dr. Mazuri? Can someone, like, get her and bring her here. I need someone I can actually trust!"

A nurse in the hall dropped her clipboard when he started yelling, but recognized him for who he was and scurried on her way to do as he'd asked.

Dr. Adams wrenched him out of the doorway and back into the room. "I would appreciate it if you didn't question my reliability, Mr. Plisetsky. I'll answer anymore of your questions and refrain from asking my own unless necessary. Will that suffice?"

"For now." Yuri crossed his arms over his chest. "Why is he in... an eternal coma?"

"He isn't just yet." Dr. Adams corrected. "Duramorph is an opiate, it has a sedating effect. Alcohol also has a sedating effect. Take two of the same thing together, you boost it's efficacy."

"So he's sleeping until the effect wears off?" Yuri asked.

"I'm afraid it's not that simple." Dr. Adams walks up to Viktor's bed side and taps on his chest for a second then on his head. "The moment he took that pill, and possibly a second one after the first one didn't help lessen the pain in his leg, it was only a matter of minutes before the sedation started. His heart would have slowed, his entire body lagging. His brain got cut off from oxygen for a long time, long enough to make it believe that it's no longer needed."

"But he's... he's breathing on his own now." Yuri gestured to Viktor and the lack of a gas mask.

"Be that as it may," Dr. Adams offers him an apologetic smile. "His brain believes he is dead. Recovery from brain death is... very low, Mr. Plisetsky. I could order a CAT-scan to see if there's any brain activity left so that you can know."

"Yeah," Yuri's gaze stayed on Viktor. "Do that. Hey doc?"

"Yes." Dr. Adams paused on her way out the door.

"Can he hear me?" Yuri glanced at her for a second. "If... I talk to him, can he hear?"

Dr. Adams lingered. "They say that the last sense to leave when you die is the sense of hearing. Trying won't hurt anybody."

Yuri nods and watches her leave before crouching low to be level with Viktor's ear. "You are an absolute bastard for doing this, do you have any idea how many people you're hurting? Wake. the fuck. up!"

He's still talking and yelling when the other Yuuri shows up. Of course he shows up. He'd always show up.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP VIKTOR!" Yuri all but has to be manahndled by Mila and Yakov, who showed up earlier, as they tried to restrain him. When he saw Yuuri come in, he turned on the Japanese man. "What the fuck took you so long?"

Yuuri ignored him. A soft choked sound left his lips, "Viktor?"


	2. I'm half of a whole

When people thought of Viktor Nikiforov it was almost synonymous to Katsuki Yuuri- or Yuuri Katsuki, if you wanted to be technical about it. There was simply just no way you could think of either without the other instantly coming up to mind.

And Yuuri wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Just... Just try talking to him, please." Yuri had all but got down on his knees, both his eyes visible, his blond hair pulled back in a horrible ponytail with knots and tangles. He had dark circles underneath his eyes as he clutched a fistful of Otabek's jacket.

The Kazakh stood behind him, like a pillar of support, one hand on the small of Yuri's back. He only ever seemed to wear one facial expression, a sober and bored look by default. "We have an extra plate ready for when you're done, or hungry. Whichever comes first."

Yuuri offered a half-hearted hug as he traded places with them, watching as they went down the hall then up the stairs for Yuri's bedroom, before swinging the door shut and taking in the rest of the room. Better yet, its permanent resident.

"Hey Viktor..." He called out softly as he ventured closer and sat on what had once been his favorite armchair. He smiles at the figure on the bed. "They've finally brought you home, huh?"

No response, except for the steady beep-beep of the machine. The only sign that Viktor was even still with them. In body, but not entirely.

"You'd cry if you could see yourself right now." Yuuri murmured, rambling randomly to himself as he leaned back, resting his head on the back of the chair. "Your hair's longer, not as thin as it could possibly be. Yurio's been... taking care of it with Mila's help. It's really silky. You'd love it."

Yuuri's eyes crinkled shut as he remembers a funny story that he retells to Viktor. He tells him a lot of things. Random things, important things. What he did that week, what he had for breakfast, how much he had run, how close he'd gotten to getting back on the ice.

"I made it to the side of the rink today." He confessed, his hands curling into fists as he fought to keep his voice light and airy. Cheerful. Viktor could maybe hear him. If he... became distressed, then Viktor would become distress. "I... I might actually be on the ice tomorrow. I-Isn't that something, huh? Maybe something worth waking up for?"

**Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Yuuri kept up the casual voice even as his hand shook as they reached out for the creased envelope on the bedside table. The letter he pulled from inside was starting to fall apart from being folded and unfolded again and again and again. He waved it around, chuckling softly though his laughter sounded dead even to himself. "Maybe... maybe you'll wake up for this, this time? Look Viktor! I found your letter! I know you don't want me to read it so... if you wanna stop me you should.... you should wake up. See, Viktor? I'm opening it. I'm going to start reading it."

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

"I-It says," Yuuri inhaled, shaky, shallow, not enough. "My dearest Yuuri, l-luchik..."

It's been a miracle all this time that neither you or I have gotten into an accident despite our lives being devoted to figure skating, and of course each other, both equally dangerous in their own natures, and yet both bring so much thrill and meaning to my existence. I want you to know that if anything ever happens to me, all I ask is that you continue to love yourself the way you love yourself now, to see how wonderfully lovely you are. The time will come where I will not be around to tell you how much you mean to me, so I ask that you always hold these words dear to your heart.

When that time comes, I ask of you another thing. Be selfish. You have loved me more than any man deserves to be loved.

"...When the time comes that you cannot love me anymore, I ask that you find another. Eternally yours, V-Viktor." Yuuri's hands balled up again and the piper is crinkled beyond belief. His tears fell down as he bends over the letter, mixing in with ink as it blurred words beyond recognition. That didn't matter, Yuuri had the letter memorized word for every word. "Still... still not awake h-huh? What do I... have to do? What do I have to... to say?"

Yuuri's back snapped straight as he discarded the letter and it flew to the ground in a mishapen wad. He was on his feet, agitated, frustrated, bitterly in pain as he paced the space of Viktor's room.

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

In an act of pure emotion, Yuuri's hands moved before he could stop himself, and he crumpled to his knees on the floor by the bed.

The beeping stopped.

The wires were trapped in Yuuri's hands.

"You were right." Yuuri croaked as tears continued to flow down his face. "You were right, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I'm saying it. This is me, on my knees, telling you, Viktor Nikiforov-Katsuki that you were right all along. I was being selfish when I quit skating. I admit it. You can wake up now, because I'm admiting it! You see through to me right till the very end! Go you! I thought- I thought that I could make it up to you by quitting when you did. Not that you quit, but- you get the point!"

The Japanese man tipped forward, his forehead hit the solid mattress with a hard thump. He cried into it, without restrain, without thought as the words he'd thought, words he'd whispered again and again to himself in the dark came out, finally came out. "I feel responsible, V-Viktor. You wouldn't have missed that damn jump if I hadn't kept you up the night before with my insecurities. If I had stopped thinking of my damn self and thought of you more often, I would have realized how tired you were the day after. How you could barely skate in a straight line, so how could you possibly land all your quads? You were sleep deprived, you were emotionally bothered. I should have- I should have known better! I should have stopped you!"

Yuuri pulled back and tried to crawl up the bed, but he was too heavy. Everything was too heavy and it weighed him down to the ground. His emotions, the guilt, the anger, the desperation for Viktor to please, pleasepleaseplease, please wake up already. He made it though, somehow.

He lay there, in silent contemplation, the beeping of the monitor blessedly absent.

Viktor's heart thumped steadily against his ear and Yuuri inhaled deeply, a breath that shuddered every second on its way in and got caught on its way out. "I know you're in there... I can... feel your heart beat. I'm... I'm tired, Viktor. So very, very tired. How did you stay strong for so long all by yourself?"

Yuuri burried his face into Viktor's chest and wrapped his arm arounds him tight. "I'm... I'm going to stop thinking about myself, Viktor. I'm... I'm moving back to America with Phichit. I came to say... g-goodbye."

**Lub... dub...?**

"Viktor, it's been two years." Yuuri choked on another breath. "You've been... in a coma for two years. And if you were a-awake, you'd be yelling at me again. Because I've been waiting for you, and I don't want to leave you. But you want me to. Y-You want me to m-move o-on and find s-someone else and- GOD IT HURTS TO EVEN SAY IT!"

One of Yuuri's fists stretched out and smacked against Viktor's chest with more force than he'd intended. Yuuri did not care and he thumped it again, and again, and again. "How am I always the one being selfish?! Do you have any idea how hard it is to move on from you, Viktor? How could you even think that I could move forward without you by my side? F-Fuck you. That's right. I'm cursing you. I'm cursing you right now. So-So wake up! WAKE UP AND STOP ME!"

**Lub-dub. Lub-dub.**

"W-WAKE UP."

**Lub-dub.**

"... Please..."

**Lub-dub.**

"V-Viktor..."

* * *

 

"What the actual fuck?" Yuri all but slammed the door as he entered the room and even nearly tripped on his own feet in his hurry to get in. His glance around the room showed no signs of disturbance, except for the wires of Viktor's heart monitor.

They were on the floor.

Yuri grabbed them and brought them back and placed them back on Viktor's chest. His own heart took comfort when the machine started to beep again.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Yuri gave Viktor's shoulder a soft pat. "You're going to be okay."

He then moved to go sit down on the armchair, this one on the left of the bed because the armchair to the right belonged to the other Yuuri. He left a little too... peacefully that afternoon. He even hugged Yuri goodbye.

Yuri found that weird. The hug had been tight and lasted for maybe more than a minute. Whatever. He'd be back tomorrow. Yuri got ready to settle down for the late afternoon, just spend it talking to Viktor when a soft glint caught his eye. "What the hell?"

The Russian was on his feet again and he strode the few steps to the armchair to the right. His fingers touched warm metal, as if someone had been wearing the ring not ten seconds ago. Yuri's head whipped to the left and right so fast he was afraid he'd broken something. He booked it out of the room, yelling at the top of his lungs. "Beka! Beka get your fucking motorcycle out the pig's making a mistake!"

He missed the tear that fell down Viktor's cheek.

Lub-dub. BEEP.

And the heart that beat stronger.

* * *

_"Hey, Yuuri?" Viktor carded long, gloved fingers through his husband's dark hair. "Your hair's getting really long now, should we cut it?"_

_Yuuri looked up from the magazine in his lap, his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly as they met under his beanie. "You think we should? I was thinking it suited my theme these year. Nothing wilder than long hair, right?"_

_"I suppose it has its own charm to it," Viktor conceded as he fiddled with a particularly long lock. "Just don't let it grow past your shoulders, okay? I don't think the world's ready for Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov who can do it both."_

_"I'm not sure what you mean, so whatever you say Vitya." Yuuri returned to his magazine and hummed underneath his breath. He didn't even pause when Viktor's fingers locked with his and their joined hands stayed prop on the armrest between them._

_Viktor continued to watch the clouds outside the window and he would press light kisses to Yuuri's hand. "Yuuri?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"I love you."_

_Yuuri inched closer to him._

_"I love you too."_

_Viktor's eyes shuttered to half-mast, suddenly tired._

_Yuuri chuckled as he noticed and he poked his shoulder lightly. "Don't fall asleep now, Viktor. We're landing in twenty minutes."_

_Viktor made a noise between a whine and a groan._

_"Wake up, Viktor."_

* * *

 

_"Wake up."_

Viktor's eyes peeled open, only to shut close again at the sudden onslaught of light. All around him there was movement and it was his groan that warranted the room's attention. His attempts on sitting up were thwarted by hands on his shoulders and a wrecking pain going up his spine. And his leg. Fuck his leg hurt.

_"I can't believe... worked!"_

_"... call him... as soon as possible..."_

_"Viktor stop fighting it!"_

That voice?

_"Go back to sleep. Just... not forever."_

He knew that voice.

_"We'll be here."_

Yuri.

* * *

The second time Viktor woke up, he was in better shape. He managed to sit up, though his movements were very stiff and he felt like he hadn't moved his muscles at all in years. He leant back against the headboard, wincing when he had to reach behind him to move a very fat braid. His braid. He had long hair again?

"It wasn't a fluke."

Viktor's head turned to the side, and a grin nearly splits his face in half. "Yuuri!"

There was a heavy hint of hesitation in the way his husband stepped closer to his bed. On the way, one of his hands clung to the strap of his bag while the other was hidden deep down in his pocket. That's odd, Viktor's never seen that coat before. And here he thought his Yuuri had no sense of style! The color suited him perfectly! It was a deep wine red, nearly burgundy in color that brought out the brown of his eyes, which were wide beneath furrowed eyebrows.

Viktor smiled, or tried. His head throbbed like he'd just gotten it smacked against the ice. Was that why he ached all over? Did he get into an accident? He lowered his gaze for a second, away from the light, and tried to will the pain away. He decided to keep his gaze down since it helped dull the pain to a faint buzz.

"Does it hurt?" Yuuri was by his side then, a hand on his shoulder, the other braced on the bed by Viktor's hip. He said something that had to do with a doctor or a proctor. Something.

Viktor's focus and attention was on something else. He tried to speak through the hammering in his head, his words barely made it pass through his gritted teeth. "Y-Yuuri... Yuuri where's your ring?"

The Japanese man beside him stopped breathing, his hand stilled, and the air around them grew heavy. "Viktor, don't you... don't you remember?"

Viktor looked up at Yuuri's face through squinted eyes. The light was not helping his head. Neither was the situation. He tried to get a read of the expression on his husband's face.

He had a frown on his face.

"Viktor," Yuuri stepped back away from him. "Viktor we're divorced."

The pain came back tenfold.

* * *

 

When he woke up again, they tell him what happened. Gently, slowly, little by little. His doctor, Doctor Adams?, advised scrapbooks, newspapers, letters, but not everything at once. They didn't want to risk an information overload, they didn't want to risk shocking him back into a coma.

"Amazing, it's amazing." Dr. Adams breathed, her red hair speckled with streaks of white. "You were in a coma for two years, Viktor, essentially brain dead. Now you're awake and fully comprehensive! A medical miracle!"

Miracle. Miracle, she said?

Viktor can't seem to quite agree.

"Emil and Michele have a daughter. Her name's Luciana and she's a genius baker." Otabek has a very monotonous voice as he helped Viktor go through many of the Facebook photos available online. Apparently hard copies were rarely done these days.

Viktor traces a finger over the screen that displayed a baby girl who couldn't be older than five. Her eyes are a brilliant shade of violet, like Michele's. She had flour all over herself, a slight pout on her lips at whoever it was holding the camera. It's followed by a photo of her creation. It looked delicious.

"JJ and Isabella are getting married next year." Otabek continued as they switch facebook walls. "They kept postponing it and postponing it until Yuri went and yelled at JJ to stop getting cold feet. They're on good terms now, they're very good friends."

"How did... how did that happen?" Viktor wondered.

Otabek hesitated. "Yuri'll tell you when he's ready."

Viktor nodded and continued swiping.

"Chris is a coach now?" Viktor flicked at the hair that got into his face. He couldn't even remember the last time it was this long. "Do the parents know he's the one teaching?"

Otabek nods.

"Phichit... he's a vlogger." Viktor hummed thoughtfully. "I suppose it makes sense. Is no one skating anymore?"

"Our batch still skates," Otabek answered. "Phichit, Guang-hong, Leo, JJ, Yuri, Emil. The others are retired, but we keep in touch."

Viktor takes that answers and mulls over it. So far what he was sure of was that his friends were all successful in life, in various areas like their careers, their love lives, their personal lives. They were all in good places. They were all doing great.

Viktor's finger hovered over his profile. Dare he... click it?

"Only if you're ready." Otabek said as if Viktor had asked out loud. He then stood up and motioned for the door. "I'll go make lunch for us."

Viktor watched him leave the room, honestly surprised. The Kazakh was very perceptive. He wanted... he wanted to do this in private.

After all, it wasn't every day the love of your life shows up to remind you that you had once upon a time a. asked for a divorce, b. got into a coma, and c. woke up without your memories. Of course, he did remember some things, bit by bit as they resurfaced. They were coming up like horrible, horrible ghosts in his past and Viktor had no choice but to deal with them in the present. Or this case, the future. 

He did... not like what he was remembering.

Viktor's finger hovered for a second longer. He swallowed a thick lump in his throat. What... what would he see?

Would he... could he take it?

Viktor taps on Yuuri's profile picture. The first thing he sees is a screenshot.

Oh?

Yuuri... was _dating_.

...Oh.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It got longer. I mean, it's not just gonna be 3 chapters. Might be 5.
> 
> Bear with me through all this pain. I literally had to stop typing at some points. I'm hurting just as much as you all are huhu. 
> 
> Also it's 2AM please excuse any errors.


	3. I've got no hand to hold

When people thought of Viktor Nikiforov it was almost synonymous to Katsuki Yuuri- or Yuuri Katsuki, if you wanted to be technical about it. There was simply just no way you could think of either without the other instantly coming up to mind.

And Phichit and the rest of their friends still seemed to be of that opinion.

They gathered in a small cafe, some little hole in the wall right in the middle of nowhere that Yuri drove them to, yes he could drive now. It was a little scary when they had an open road in front of them, the speed dial happily stayed near the right the whole thirty minutes it took them to get there.

Viktor watched as they crowded in, smiling and grinning, patting each other on their now soft bellies. No one was as fit as they used to be, except for the younger ones, those still actively competing. It was... a relief, really, to not stand out so much. In a way, even with how much Viktor's body had wasted away while he was unconscious, he was still okay. He'd have to hit the gym soon though, he... he needed to get himself back together.

But first,

"Yuuri!"

He'd deal with lunch.

The Japanese man sat right across from him, the only seat available with an awkward slowness and tense shoulders. He had a startled look on his face, shocked that... Viktor would greet him?

Viktor felt a pang of hurt stab at his heart. Why would he ever, in any world, ignore Yuuri? Oh right, the world he lived in after the accident. He swallowed a guilty lump in his throat and rubbed his hands over his thighs, hidden underneath the table, unseen.

"How are you?" He asked, and cheered inwardly when he didn't stammer.

Yuuri took in the question, processed it, before his entire body relaxed against his seat and he finished taking off his coat and scarf and smiled a small smile that curled his lips at the edges. "I'm okay, Viktor. How are you?"

"Better." Viktor nodded and he flicked his long ponytail over his shoulder. It kept getting in the way these days. "I... I remember most of it. I just... I wanted to apologize. You didn't deserve the way I treated you like shit, Yuuri. I'm sorry that you had to deal with me then. I promise to make it up to you."

The way Yuuri's eyes widened, how his emotions flowed through them, was enough to make Viktor's heart do a small palpitation dance in his chest. His lips fell to a soft 'O', his cheeks flushed ever so slightly before he smiled, a bigger one this time and reached out to hold Viktor's hands in his. "I... I don't regret it Viktor. I'm... I should be apologizing. I... No one though you'd wake up so I... I'm actually... uh,"

"You're seeing someone?" Viktor supplied helpfully.

Yuuri dropped his hands as he waved his own in the air. "No! NO! I mean- y-yes! How did you know?"

"Facebook." Viktor tried very hard to appear casual. He offered a heart-shaped smile that he hoped didn't tremble on the edges. "Are you happy, Yuuri?"

The Japanese man paused, again. He seemed to do that very often, took in people's reactions. Where did he learn that from? Or did his Yuuri do that even before then? WAIT. He's not his Yuuri anymore.

Viktor dropped his gaze to the table set in front of him, if Yuuri had gotten good at reading people, he did not want to show him any signs of his current state of mind. He noticed movement, Yuuri must have nodded or something. He cleared his throat, "I'm happy for you Yuuri... or I will be. I remember... what I did and why it pushed you away. And I was your friend before I was your husband. I'd like, if you'd let me, to be your friend again."

Yuuri's hands were on his again and Viktor lifted his gaze. Yuuri's smile took his breath away. "I'd love that, Viktor."

The Russian beamed, a genuine smile this time before he gently removed yuuri's hands on him and reached for a menu. "What should I get? You've always had good taste. Do they have, ah, katsudon!"

"Yes," Yuuri laughed. "It's an international cafe that's uh, dedicated to figure skaters. It has all our favorite dishes in it. The owner's a fan."

Viktor's eyebrows shot upwards, "Wow!"

Yuuri blinked for a second before he burst out laughing. "I... ahaha, it's- it's great to have you back Viktor!"

The you before the accident.

Viktor wished that he'd developed the ability to take actual pictures with just his mind while he was in a coma.

"I'm happy to be back Yuuri. Sorry it took so long."

He wanted that image of Yuuri laughing to stay with him forever.

He could have... at least that.

* * *

Viktor felt a little more like himself, a little more whole when some time passed since his, now dubbed Awakening, (he was not a vampire). He and Yuri have been going to the gym together, Yuuri occasionally coming along to spot for him on the weights. What little stamina he had left at his age whilst figure skating had grown considerably lower still and he could only stay on the treadmill for a half-hour before his muscles begged that he stop.

"Don't push yourself too hard, you'll get to where you wanna be." Yuri told him once as he sipped from a leopard printed waterbottle.

Viktor felt hopeful. At least not everything changed.

His love for vodka hadn't changed either.

"You're not on any medications." Otabek reminded them all, but mostly Yuri and Viktor, as he handed him a bottle for his own consumption. "You are all going to get smashed, I can already feel your pain."

"Russians do not get smashed, Beka!" Yuri had a beautiful red flush on his cheeks, framed by two long ponytails. His hair was longer too. He pressed a smacking kiss on the Kazakh's cheek and glanced at Viktor. "Take it easy, okay?"

"Promise me the same." Viktor called after them when they went somewhere else in the house.

Chris was by his side in an instant, nursing something pink and fruity smelling. "Hard liquor right on the spot? You truly have not changed!"

"I don't believe that's true," Viktor tossed the bottle between his hands, careful not to drop it. "You know it's not, Chris."

The Swiss watched him with a bemused expression as he took a sip of his Cosmopolitan. "I suppose. You are... equal parts the Viktor before and after. It's... It's relieving to see you like your old self again."

"But who am I, even, Chris?" Viktor opened the cap and took a swig straigh from the bottle. The alcohol burned hot on it's way down. "I remember how I felt after the accident. I remember how I felt before the accident. But who am I now?"

"It's not a crime that you can't answer that particular question," Chris reminded him gently. "You've been asleep for two years."

Viktor snorted, took another swig. He could afford to be moody and bitter if he wanted. None of the other guests have arrived. "And everything has changed."

"Not... everything." Chris drowned his own drink before he wrapped an arm around Viktor's shoulders. "Come, Russian God, let us drink your sorrows away. You have always been good at faking happiness, but after seeing you miserable by yourself, I know better."

"Mhmm." Viktor worked on his bottle the whole night. And another bottle. And another bottle. He only stopped when Chris had to basically manhandle him to bed, giggling like crazy.

"Mon dieu, you're still in the hysterically happy phase?" Chris huffed as he collapsed into bed beside him. "Then again, it's rare that you get drunk enough that you make it to the crying phase. Ah, the two extremes."

"Sh-Shut up!" Viktor giggled as he swat at his hair again. "I do not want to think about anything Chris, I just want to be happy."

"Oh you won't be a semblance of that tomorrow when you get a hangover." Chris promised him.

"No. Not thinking of tomorrow. Or yesterday. Just today, Chris. Only today." Viktor curled into his pillow as he chuckled, head heady and heavy with alcohol. He mumbles something in Russian as his eyes fall lower, near to sleep.

"Hey, no." Chris shook him by the shoulder. "Don't sleep yet, you're too drunk."

More, petulant sounding Russian.

"I do not understand you, Viktor."

"I said," Viktor snapped upright and lost his balance as he toppled forward. "I want this gone."

"What gone?" Chris sat up too.

"This." Viktor snatched his long hair, it had gotten out of its ponytail, and clutched it in a tight fist. "I want it gone. I... I don't feel like myself. This is not me. Make it go away!"

"Viktor-."

"No." Viktor all but growled, his eyes fixed on Chris. A shining blue in the dark. "I want it gone, Chris. Make it go away, make it all go away."

"Cutting your hair will not make your feelings change, Viktor." Chris reminded him gently.

"No but it will make me feel better." Viktor whispered. "This... keeps weighing me down, Chris. It reminds me every day of who I used to be, who I was after that, and how lost I feel right now. Who am I without my other half?"

"Ah," Chris' eyes gleamed in satisfaction. "finally."

"Finally, what?" Viktor sniffs. He's crying. What the ever loving fuck? "Why am I crying? I just want the damn hair gone! Can't I get even that?!"

"Oh calm down." Chris pat his head gently. "We'll cut it off, just- let me get a pair of scissors okay?"

Viktor does calm down, and he does not move when Chris leaves him. His breathing has already slowed down when Chris comes back and a touch on his shoulder startles him awake. "C-Chris?"

"He got sidetracked," that voice. "he sent me with scissors though? What do you need them for?"

Viktor sat up, slow and steady as he looked at Yuuri. True to his words, he has the scissors in his hands. He inhaled a shaky breath. "I... I want to cut my hair."

Yuuri blinked at him. "... now?"

Viktor nodded.

Yuuri shifted where he stood. "You're... um, you're drunk? Are you sure?"

"Da." Viktor nodded again. "I want it all gone, Yuuri."

"Okay." Yuuri took a step forward. "No wonder he sent me."

"You'll cut it for me?" Viktor wondered. "Did you become a hairdresser while I was unconcsious?"

"What? No." Yuuri laughed, but it does not sound right. "I just... I cut your hair a lot while you were recovering from your accident, remember? Or maybe you don't. What am I saying, you've obviously forgotten."

Viktor whined high in his throat. He closed his eyes, breathed deep. "I'm sorry I keep forgetting the important things."

"Don't worry about it." Yuuri got a brush from somewhere and began smoothing his hair down. "Everything feels extra shitty when you're drunk."

Viktor sat still when Yuuri started cutting. He felt... with every snip, he felt better. Significantly lighter. Nothing weighed him down, not much at least.

Yuuri is making sushing sounds as he cuts, Viktor doesn't realize he's crying again until it's all over and Yuuri has a lock of his hair in his hands. "We can... keep it if you want?"

"No." Viktor choked. "Throw it all out. I don't want it."

"Okay." Yuuri pushed him back into bed before he cleaned up and put the things he used away. He took a seat beside Viktor, running a hand through his now short hair. "Feel better?"

"Da." Viktor nodded and leaned into the touch. "Thank you Yuuri. Do you like it better short? You and I never really interacted when I had it long."

"Yes." Yuuri confessed in a soft whisper. "When your hair's long I remember the days you were untouchable, when you were the figure skating legend I could only dream of skating with. When your hair's this length... I feel like I'm your equal. Sounds a bit silly."

"I understand." Viktor promised him, shifting deeper into bed. "It felt so heavy."

"Do you feel lighter?"

"Yes." Viktor nodded. "Maybe you'll come back to me now, luchik? I've missed you so much. I miss us. I miss Makkachin. God I'm horrible, I haven't even gone to seen him. How did he die? No one would tell me. Or rather I haven't asked. I don't think my heart can bear it."

"Viktor," Yuuri's hand stills. "Viktor, oh. He... He wouldn't leave your side to eat or walk or run. He didn't... he didn't last six months. He was... sad."

Viktor stared to cry again. "How many lives am I allowed to fuck up before I stop? God! He was such a good boy!"

"Shh, shh." Yuuri shushed him again, but his own voice was shaking. "He wouldn't want to hear you say that Viktor."

"I'm a horrible human being." Viktor said in all seriousness.

Yuuri smacks a hand over his mouth. "You're drunk."

Viktor makes a sound of protest.

Yuuri glares at him. "You are. Now... you're going to go to sleep... and if you remember this and you're up for it, we can go visit Makkachin tomorrow."

Viktor calmed down. He nods.

Yuuri smiles. It looks broken.

But what does Viktor know?

He is drunk.

In the morning he's hungover, but he does remember what happened. How he and Chris talked, how he and Yuuri talked. God, he'd ask Yuuri to love him again. How the fuck could he do that?

He calls his friend as soon as he can and it takes everything for him to keep it together when someone else answers the phone. _"Hello? Nicholas speaking."_

"Can I speak to Yuuri, please?"

_"He's still asleep, ah, is this Viktor?"_

"Yes."

_"You guys had a wild party last night, huh? Don't worry, Yuuri wasn't drunk when he got home so he'll be up soon enough. I'll tell him that you called."_

"Thank you."

_"No problem."_

* * *

Viktor and he end up visiting Makkachin the week later. They spend more time together, watched movies, cooked dinner. It almost felt... like it did back then. No. Stop. He has to stop thinking that way, thinking of times before the accident and after the accident like those two periods were the only parts of his life that had meaning.

He should start thinking of the now. Here. Him. And Yuuri. Not him and Yuuri. No, it was Viktor and it was Yuuri. Yuuri and Nicholas.

"He's a dance instructor. I ah, Phichit made me sign up for pole-dancing lessons since I liked it a lot back in college." Yuuri spoke about his boyfriend with a tone of fondness laced in his voice. He played with the straw in his drink as he talked, his eyes bright with a gleam Viktor recognized as... love? "He's younger than us."

Viktor made a show of shock as he covered his mouth with a hand. "Oh?! Yuuri!"

"Not that much younger than us!" Yuuri flushed then laughs when he realized that Viktor is teasing him. "I think you'd like him, Viktor."

"Ah," Viktor wondered what he would say to that. No thank you? I don't wanna? Keep him away. Awayawayaway. "When I can meet him?"

Fuck not that.

Yuuri seemed shock to hear that as well.

Viktor wonders if he could take it back. He should take it back.

"I'm meeting him in an hour?"

"Great!"

Not great. So not great. Viktor banned himself from anything delicious for an entire week for being so incredibly stupid.

"Ah, he's outside!" Yuuri got to his feet as he looked up from his phone. "I'll get him, okay? We can stay here since it's so nice."

Viktor nodded, smile on his face. He followed Yuuri with his eyes, bracing himself when they landed on who could only be Nicholas. He... was not what Viktor expected. Tall, taller than Yuuri and maybe even taller than Viktor- he was younger than them? And eyes an olive green framed by chocolate brown hair. He dressed like he worked in an office, not a classroom. Most definitely not a pole dancing class.

"Be still." Viktor murmured to his heart as he massaged soothing circles on his chest. Fat lot of good that did. His heart nearly stopped beating.

Nicholas was on his knee outside, coming down where his head was levelled with Yuuri's waist. He said something, his entire face hopeful, his body tensed but... in a good way. As if he expected good news. Excited caught before being unleashed. Was he...

Yuuri was shocked still, seemingly in a stupor before he was nodding his head, like a chicken, and he said something, babbled more like. He only shuts up when Nicholas pulls out-- the ring.

Viktor chokes on air.

Yuuri was... not dating.

Yuuri was engaged.

What. What. What. Why? What? What the fuck?

"V-Viktor!" Yuuri called out to him when he made it out the cafe. His eyes are wide, cheeks flushed and his new ring sparkled. It had a fucking diamond. "Th-This! Ah, Nicholas! My-"

"Fiance." Viktor finished for him. He exchanged handshakes and no he did not squeeze harder than necessary. He smiled, or tried. "Congratulations, you two. You, I spoke to on the phone."

"Yes." Nicholas laughed, his eyes alight. He was clearly happy. "It's great to finally meet you in person, Viktor."

"Likewise." No. Such lies. Viktor stuffed his hands into his coat pockets. "I would love to join you for coffee but this... this is a moment for you two enjoy alone."

Nicholas slipped an arm around Yuuri's waist. "I appreciate it."

"Congratulations again." Viktor smiled at them, at Yuuri, who looked at him with a question in his eyes but Viktor could not bear to look at them for very long, lest he bare his true feelings on the situation. He waved goodbye and walked away.

When he makes it past the corner of the street he broke into a run.

Yuri is sleep rumbled when he opens the door, his long hair in a fat plait on his back. Fishtail. They called it, maybe.

"What the fuck happened to you?" The younger Russian gaped before letting him come in.

"He's engaged."

"Fuck." Yuri pushed Viktor towards the couch before he went into a separate room. "Beka get the Disney DVDs out, the pig's making another mistake."

Otabek seemed surprise to see Viktor on the couch. "I thought... I thought you said it was Yuuri?"

Yuri scoffed as he returned to the living room, tubs of ice cream in his arms and some spoons. "They're both idiots. Does it matter which one ends up coming here?"

"I'll go see if Phichit's texted." Otabek leaves them for a second to grab his phone. When he got back to played Finding Nemo first.

"This movie has a sequel." Yuri told Viktor around a mouthful of ice cream. "It's about Dory."

"Great." Viktor muttered darkly. "Let's watch that later."

They would never get to watch Finding Dory. Halfway through Finding Nemo, Viktor finished a third of the ice cream and stared hard at the ceiling. "It's got a diamond. I didn't know he liked diamonds. I would have gotten him a diamond."

"What for?" Yuri deadpanned where his head rested against Otabek's shoulder. The Kazakh was too focused on the film to contribute to the conversation. "Look, Vitya. There are other fish in the sea."

"But there's only one Yuuri."

"Excuse me."

"You know what I mean."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHH it's lighter XD I mean, yeah Yuuri's engaged to someone else but, uh, the writing was lighter? It felt lighter. Like Viktor after getting his hair cut.


	4. Torn like a sail in a storm

The mail came with an enthusiastic deliverer who carried what was seemingly a check for a billion dollars. Viktor accepted it delicately to find that it was in fact an invitation.

A wedding invitation.

It had an RSVP card, and he had a seat reserved for him for one.

Viktor's phone started ringing the moment he had the invitation hidden in his nightstand where he could pretend to have never seen it and to never had recieved it. Would he go? Of course he should go. He was Yuuri's friend.

His friend, who was now on the phone. "You haven't gotten it yet?"

Viktor made a noise of confirmation. "Perhaps it will come today."

"Yeah, I guess it will." Yuuri sounded tired, but his voice is bright over the phone. "Text me when you do get it? If you don't, I'll send another one right away!"

"Okay, Yuuri." Viktor promised. He ended the call and threw himself on top of his bed, stared hard at the baby blue ceiling. He got up for just a second to grab the invitation, stared hard at the details and intricate design.

Yuuri did not pick out this invitation, it was much to... extravagant. And yet at the same time, it was elegantly simple. The quality was obviously good. Pricey. Yuuri was marrying a rich man, either that or Nicholas was using whatever money Yuuri had.

Viktor snorted delicately, what was he doing thinking of financial expenses that weren't even his. He sighed as he returned the invitation to the nightstand. He did not have to make the decision now, after all, his invitation was 'lost in the mail'.

After a moment's contemplation, Viktor grabbed the box of donuts that Yuri had bought for him on their cheat day-Friday and decided he'd just do fifty more sit-ups to lose them before grabbing one and shoving it into his mouth and settling in front of the couch with the rest of them.

His SNS was raving on updates on the Kingsley-Katsuki (KK) Nuptials. Their hashtag ##KKOkay was trending. Yuuri still had a huge following from his figure skating days and Nicholas was apparently not a simple nobody either.

Their pre-nuptial photos were beautiful and a new one was posted everyday.

Viktor did not know if he was a masochist or just stupid but he scrolled through them all.

The photos looked... fake. Like... they were much too put together.

Like Yuuri practicing before he decided on a theme. Rehearsed.

"Stop trying to convince yourself that they're going to magically break up." Viktor grumbled and chucked his phone in favor of the small box hidden under his TV on the entertainment pod. "I've avoided this for too long."

He spent the afternoon looking through his own wedding photos with Yuuri and ate one donut miserably at a time. That was how Yakov found him, on his seventh donut and blueberry jam on his face.

"You look pathetic." The older Russian told him as he sat down beside him and grabbed a donut of his own.

Viktor made a miffed sound. "I feel pathetic."

There was a companionable silence between them for a second. Then Viktor swallowed his mouthful and asked, "How did you do it?"

"Do what?" Yakov grouched.

"Get over Madam Lila?" Viktor elaborated.

Yakov snorted. "Do you really think I am over the love of my life, Vitya? You're smarter than that."

Viktor stilled in his seat. "I had hoped that the feelings would go away with time."

"Feelings would not be feelings if they were easy." Yakov reached for a second donut. "You are still young, Vitya. Katsuki may be your first love but he does not have to be the last."

"Nyet." Viktor breathed out, his eyes prickled with the feeling of oncoming tears. "I know that. I mean, I know that he doesn't have to be the last just because he's the first. But Yakov, he feels like he can be the only one. I've been with others before but it had been... still, different with him. I can't explain."

Yakov cleared his throat as he grabbed a tissue from a nearby box and handed it to his ex-student. "Love can't be explained. You said it yourself, Viktor."

Viktor makes a broken sound.

Love is a feeling.

And he still feels it.

"It cannot be unfelt either." Yakov said morosely. "All you can do is support the one you love even if they no longer love you."

* * *

When Viktor's phone beeped after his morning run he was all set to ignore it. However if it was a message from Yuri checking up on him (as if Viktor needed checking up on) he could very well have an angry Russian Fairy-Yankee on his doorstep and he did not want to deal with that on a Saturday (or the day that Otabek and Yuri spent the day together).

The message was from a yuri but the other Yuuri.

Viktor dropped his smoothie and grabbed the phone immediately.

Hi Viktor! Are you busy? Would you maybe like to go for a walk or something?

Viktor's grip on the phone tightened to the point he should have been concerned about breaking it. He calmed himself down, still sluggish from the unforigiving exercise schedule that Yakovg had him on before he typed out a reply.

Meet you at the cafe in twenty minutes!

When Viktor met up with Yuuri, he immediately saw the signs of a KID (Katsuki-In-Distress). The Japanese man was not doing a very good job of hiding the way he fidgeted in place, his hands were clenched into tight fists.

Viktor's initial instinct was to ask what ws wrong. But so far, time with Yuuri has always taught him that he would have to let Yuuri become comfortable enough for him to say what was on his mind. Viktor would wait.

"Where do we go?" He asked instead.

Yuuri shrugged his shoulders. "Anywhere? They have a food bazaar in the plaza today. Let's pick up something from a stall and just... walk?"

"Okay," Viktor loved trying new food. They venture down the road and into the plaza proper, bought a number of little things on sticks and in cups as they combed through the bazaar. Viktor stopped Yuuri from leaving when he spotted the biggest crepe he'd seen in years. "We have to get some."

"We already have so much food!" Yuuri protested weakly.

"We'll split one then." Viktor all but nearly dragged Yuuri to the stall and was glad when the tension in his shoulders started to loosen. He almost looked like he was enjoying himself.

Good.

They end up eating their procurred snacks on their way to the cementery, visiting Makkachin had become a part of their routine- or what little of it they managed to make with their busy schedules. Yuuri's schedule was packed. Of course, the wedding was in two days.

"I'm glad you got time to yourself." Viktor noted as they turned the street to Makkachin's grave.

Yuuri smiled weakly and offered a nervous laugh. "I kind of snuck away."

"What?" Viktor gaped. "No! They'll think you ran away!"

"I would never do that!" Yuuri protested.

Viktor's lips pulled into a heart-shaped smile. You almost did it with our wedding, remember? was what he wanted to say. It was just like this, two days before, you grabbed me by the hand and asked to elope. To forget all this ceremony and just... get married by the soonest possible hour.

He doesn't say it though. Instead he quickened his pace and cheered when he stood face to face with Makkachin's grave. He places a chocolate bun he'd gotten at the bazaar on the grass by the stone and grinned cheekily. "Hello Makkachin, Daddy's here."

"You are not funny." Yuuri told him as he pointed out the chocolate bun.

"I'm hilarious." Viktor said before he knelt down and laid a hand on the stone. "I really wish we could have had you buried in Russia with the rest of them, Makkachin. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You were such a good boy to the very end. I miss you every day and I love you so much."

Yuuri placed a hand on his shoulder and offered a squeeze of support. He said nothing.

Viktor smiled. "So... what drove you away?"

"Everything?" Yuuri responded immediately. "They're just... so overwhelming. Everything has to be perfect, everything has to match, the vows have to be perfectly constructed. I can't even breathe right anymore."

"That doesn't sound like a very happy groom-to-be." Viktor mused.

"I'm a very tired groom-to-be." Yuuri huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I... I also wanted to talk to you." 

"About?" Viktor asked.

Yuuri worried on his bottom lip for a second. "I wanted to ask how you felt about... me getting married." 

"I just want you to be happy." Viktor told him, honestly, truly. He licked at his lips as he thought of what Yuuri might want him to say. "Are you happy?"

A beat.

Viktor's eyes went wide and he took a step towards Yuuri, however he was deterred when the other man stepped back. "Yuuri."

"I am happy."

"Why don't I believe you?" Viktor took a step forward. "You don't... that is not how you sound when you're happy. Yuuri, don't do this."

"Don't do what?" Yuuri asked, quiet.

"Don't get married to someone that doesn't make you happy."

Yuuri raised his head, eyes blank. "But I _am_ happy, Viktor. Nicholas... Nicholas is funny, and he is kind. He's very dedicated and passionate. He has a good soul, Viktor."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes," Yuuri nodded firmly."Anyone would be lucky to have him as their husband."

"Then why do you sound like you're trying to convince yourself more than you're trying to convince me?" Viktor breached that last two steps separating them, and he grabbed Yuuri by the shoulders. "Please Yuuri, you've already wasted so much of your life on someone who couldn't appreciate you, don't do it again."

"How dare you." Yuuri choked on a breath and pulled away from Viktor, a glare in his eyes. "I did not waste my time with you, Viktor. Is that what you think? I wanted to be there for you and to be with you when you needed me the most. I know, okay? I know that you feel guilty that I lost my skating career and I feel the same way! It was my fault you were out of sorts during practice, it was my fault you slipped on your landing and broke your leg."

Viktor started to shake his head, his mouth formed the word No. No. Nonononono again and again but never quite making it past his lips.

Yuuri stormed on. "The only difference is I made that choice to stop skating because I thought it wasn't fair for you. I thought- I thought I was doing the right thing only to have it turn out that I ended up disappointing you yet again. I just- I don't know how you think!"

Viktor reached for him, tried to get him to calm down. Yuuri dodged his arms and paced the little row of graves, stopping when he got back to Makkachin and tracing the engraved Matcha, Viktor's first dog on the top. The Russian gives him his space, clearly needing it and he takes a moment to process what he just heard. "I never blamed you, Yuuri."

Yuuri looked towards him.

"I never thought it was your fault that I messed up my landing. You're right, I was tired that day. But we all get tired. I should have stopped skating. It was my own stubborness that lead me to that accident." Viktor let out a long breath. "You and I both know it. You just... keep trying to find a way to blame yourself when it's not your fault at all."

Yuuri's eyes narrowed to a glare. "But it was my fault I stopped skating, and that makes you mad."

"Da. Da, it makes me upset that you threw away so much for someone who's not-." Viktor was cut off.

"Worth it?" Yuuri echoed bitterly. "You told me that too, the time you asked for a divorce. You see, I'm not the one who flew to another country, another continent, with my whole life on my shoulders on the hunt for a chubby nobody sixth-placer determined to make him something he wasn't. You chased me when I wasn't worth it."

"You just don't see what we all see, Yuuri." Viktor paused. "I... I had hoped you would have thought differently by now."

"Guess we're both just stubborn idiots." Yuuri answered curtly. He turned away from Viktor again, shaking his head. "I do not want to fight you Viktor. I'm done fighting."

"I do not want to fight you either." Viktor walked closer to him. "Let us put this behind us?"

"Is that even possible?" Yuuri cried.

"We can try." Viktor told him. "Why don't we do something to turn our afternoon around?"

Yuuri's eyes glazed over as he stared at the gravestones. He turned back to Viktor with an air of determination. "I know just the thing."

* * *

**Viktor Nikiforov posted a new photo on  Instagram**

_I love him! Welcome to the family Yaki! That's short for Yakisoba! <3_

❤ popovichgeorgi, phichit+chu and **26,347 others**

_View all 1,470 comments_

**Nikiforovbae** oh my god he looks so much more like his old self! welcome back viktor we're so proud of how far you've come!

 **phichit+chu** New pupper! Hello new pupper!! He looks beautiful Viktor!

 **yuriplisetsky** He better not scare Lev away. I will fight him.

 **ineedcake** Is that Katsuki's reflection?! Are they getting back together again now?

 **Viktuuri4Lyf** OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE IT ARE THEY?! SOMEONE FUCKING HOLD ME

 **shipspamano** @ineedcake Yuuri's engaged to Nicholas Kingsley. @Viktuuri4Lyf don't get your hopes up. You'll only end up being disappointed.

* * *

Viktor cuddled Yaki on his chest, the puppy now still small enough to be able to do it. He let out a huff of breath that morphed to laughter when Yaki began to lick at his face almost immediately.

"My! My! Such sweet kisses! Daddy loves you too!" Viktor scratched at his ear with his left hand, his right hand scrolling through his phone. "You're also now internet famous, how about that?"

A lot of people were happy to see that Viktor had a new pup. They were genuinely concerned when he posted a photo of the graves of his past companions, the most recent one to be lain to rest of course was Makkachin. He felt a tug on his heart for a long moment, he still regretted not being able to say goodbye.

"Your big brothers and sisters are all up in doggy heaven." Viktor put down his phone to hold Yaki properly and he nuzzled his face into his belly. "You are so warm!"

Yaki yipped in response his tail wagged in delight.

"What should we do for dinner?" Viktor mused out loud. "You already have your food bowl there, it's green with your name on it. Your other daddy picked it out for you."

Viktor pauses.

"Actually, I think he's... uncle Yuuri. Not... your other daddy." Viktor pulled Yaki close, shaking his head. "How parents deal with children during a separation, I don't ever want to find out."

Viktor ended up calling a nearby restaurant for his dinner, waited for twenty minutes for it to get there, had a nice chat with the delivery girl named Natasha who was still in college, working for herself, and was half-way through Moana when his doorbell rang.

"The heart is in the-!" The Polynesian princess was very angry on the screen when Viktor paused it and made sure that Yaki wouldn't get to his food.

"Who could that be?"

Yuri had a date with Otabek, Viktor finally clear on their relationship and where it stood. Yakov was coaching, he would probably still be at the rink. He hoped it wasn't Yuuri. He was supposed to attend his wedding's dinner rehearsal. After their vow to put things behind them, he truly only wanted what was best for the other man.

Of course, the man on the other side of the door, seemingly had the same intentions.

Viktor felt like the wind got knocked out of him. "Nicholas?!"

"Good evening, Viktor." The brunet smiled, a little barb-like on the edges. "Can we talk?"

"Of coures, come in." Viktor made to pull back and give him space but the other man raised a hand, stopping him.

"No, no it'll be quick. This is fine." Nicholas stuffed both of his hands in his pockets. He shifted from foot to foot and for a second Viktor wondered just how much younger he was than Yuuri. It certainly showed at the moment. He seemed to steel his nerves and he faced Viktor head on. "Don't go to the wedding."

If Viktor were holding anything, he would have dropped it. "Pardon?"

"I'm asking you not to go to the wedding." Nicholas said, slowly. "I... I know that you and Yuuri are on good terms with everything but... he's been... distant ever since he came home this afternoon. I know he went to go out with you."

"We just went for a walk." Viktor said out of instinct. Yaki made yipping sounds in the house behind him and he added, "We also adopted a dog. Rather, I adopted a dog. He helped me pick."

"Yeah, I saw. He's cute." Nicholas smiled, a real one. "I'm happy that you're getting along now. I know all about you and Yuuri. I was a fan of yours, ah, back in the days. So I know."

Viktor's eyes widened, his eyebrows rose. "Oh?"

"Yeah." Nicholas chuckles. "Don't worry, I'm over my fan boy stage. I'm more proper now, and I... I can at least promise you that I'll treat Yuuri right. I've done my best for the last year and a half now. He's amazing."

"I know." Viktor said.

Nicholas cleared his throat. "Anyway, uh. I was just hopping you could skip the wedding. It might... make things easier for everybody. The press are going to be all over this because my parents are coming and I wanted to make things easier for Yuuri."

"Your parents?" Viktor repeated. "I'm sorry, why would the press come?"

"Oh," Nicholas' eyes widened. "My father's a decorated war veteran and my mother is from England's nobility. I'm... yeah, I've been watched over all my life."

Viktor nodded. "So that is why you have an accent."

"Yes." Nicholas looked at him with a meaningful gaze. "I hope I didn't offend you."

"What?" Viktor snapped out of the daze he was falling into. "No. No you were just... looking out for your fiance."

"I'm glad you understand!" Nicholas offered a hand that Viktor shook before he gestured around himself in an awkward air. "I really appreciate your kindness Viktor. I'll... I guess I'll see you around."

"Sure."

"After the wedding." Nicholas beamed.

Viktor closed the door before he could disappear. Out of instinct, he walked deeper into his house, up the stairs, and into his bedroom. He grabbed the second drawer to his nightstand and pulled out the invitation before he promptly tore it in two.

He would not be going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We see more of Yuuri's side here. He is evidently not happy. 
> 
> GAHD YOU GUYS ARE LOLOL I KEEP GETTING THREATS AND CONFESSIONS OF LOVE I AM SO CONFUSED JK
> 
> You're all awesome. One chapter left to go. I'm honestly just trying to finish this before I start studying for my midterms. Yes, I loved you enough to put off studying for Hematology.


	5. Without you

[Music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMCsNJuQ4Cc) was the first thing that Yuuri Katsuki heard as he stretched on an empty bed the day after the wedding. Wait, something was wrong with that. Well, two things. One, he rarely had days where he would wake up to find his bed empty, and two... it was Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov now.

The thought sent shivers to go up and down his spine as he extracted himself from the thick duvet. It had to be thick, Barcelona was cold on this time of the year. It had to be cold or Viktor would have ended up looking like a boiled lobster at the altar. _Viktor..._

Yuuri followed the music and passed the lavishly decorated (thank you Christophe) living room of their stay-away house and to the hidden nook where, ah... his husband was making love with his hands. The melody flowed so smoothly, it lifted Yuuri's spirits. He lingered by the doorway, leaned against it with a shoulder and simply watched as Viktor lost himself to the music, just like every other time he connected to it while skating. 

It was amazing. He'd learned to play the piano and had surprised Yuuri for their wedding.

Viktor had his eyes closed, head tilted downward as his entire body  _moved_. He truly did not do anything half-hearted. His entire body flowed and bent and swayed as his fingers pressed on the keys. The music trails off to an end, Viktor's fingers lingered on one key, just pressed on it repeatedly as his eyes fluttered open and he almost seemed in awe of himself.

Yuuri clapped his hands to announce his presence and grinned slightly when Viktor visibly startled, his shoulders jumped and his head turned to face him, a small smile played on the corners of his lips. The newly wed couple spend a moment just staring at each other, taking it all in and wondering  _how did I get so lucky?_

The younger of the two broke out of his slightly lovesick stupor and walked toward the piano and straight into his husband's arms which latch onto his waist while his own wrapped around Viktor's shoulders and held him tight. 

"Good morning Mr. Katsuki-Nikiforov." Viktor greeted into his stomach as he pressed light kisses. 

Yuuri felt a full body shudder wreck his body and he smiled, his fingers getting tangled in Viktor's silver locks, so soft, as always. "Good morning Mr. Nikiforov-Katsuki." 

"Hmm." Viktor hummed, absolutely content. Blissfully happy. "The first of many, don't you think?"

"When do you think will the feeling wear off?" Yuuri wondered.

" _Never._ " Viktor breathed. "It will be like this tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and the day after that day after tomorrow." Viktor continued, heart warmed as Yuuri laughed. "And after we have days into our lives together as an officially married couple, we'll take it one step further. I want a child. They will be the greatest figure skater to ever live." 

Yuuri humored him. "Will you be their coach then?"

"Of course!" Viktor smiled, heart-shaped and warm. "Maybe we should have two so you can coach the other one. It'll be a family activity!"

"I'm not going to make them compete with each other!" Yuuri protested.

"Ah, a girl and boy then." Viktor backtracked, his head tilted to the side. "Twins. And they'll have their own dogs, because they need the support. And I pray that they will both find their Yuuri's." 

"I'm not gonna let them fly to another country on a whim like you did Viktor." Yuuri warned him immediately. "And what if they don't like dogs?"

Viktor smiled at him bemusedly. "Why my dear Yuuri, I don't know why such a thing could ever happen. If it does however, they can go live with their Uncle Yurio until they're over their silly phase and admit that dogs are awesome."  

"Looks like I have nothing to worry about then, you've got everything planned out." Yuuri started to play with his hair, parted it this way  then put it back. He hummed what he could remember of the song, Viktor leading him to sway by the piano in time to the beat, a rendition of their wedding dance the night before. "What song was that?"

"It's a Sad Song." Viktor told him, still swaying.

A frown pulled Yuuri's lips down. "It doesn't sound like a sad song."

"No, luchik." Viktor chuckled and pulled away, moved a bit to give Yuuri space to sit. "The title is a Sad Song." 

He played the song again, starting with the slow melody before he added lyrics, added more depth and feeling. Yuuri's heart beat loud in his chest as he tried to absorb it all. When it's over for a second time, he had tears in his eyes and a hitch in his throat. He leaned into Viktor's side, laying his head in the crook of his neck. "Play it again." 

Viktor obliged. And when he finished again, he wrapped his arms around Yuuri, pressed a kiss to his forehead, singing low under his breath. " _You're the perfect melody, the only harmony I wanna hear. You're my favorite part of me, with you standing next to me. I've got nothing to fear."_

"Did you write this?" Yuuri whispered back. 

"Nyet." Viktor hums. "JJ did."

"It's beautiful." Yuuri raised a hand to wipe his tears away. 

Viktor looks alarmed. 

Yuuri laughed and waved his concern away. "These are happy tears." 

"Good." Viktor cupped his face in both his hands and leaned in for a kiss. 

Yuuri returned it happily. When they pull away, they're both grinning, Yuuri reached up to cradle Vikor's hands in his and they stayed there. 

This was just the beginning after all. 

* * *

Viktor's eyes opened and unleashed a trail of tears. He'd been having that dream for so many nights now, but it was only this time that he remembered everything so clearly. How could such a happy dream break his heart into pieces? He wasn't even sure he could put them all back together. It was a known fact that Viktor Nikiforov did not own all of his heart, a piece always had and always will, belonged to Katsuki Yuuri. 

Who was getting married today. 

Out of a sense of preservation, Viktor turned to his nightstand and turned his cellphone off. If the press were going to cover the wedding, someone would undoubtedly stream it live. If he didn't have to suffer it in person out of obligation, he would rather not go through it at all. 

Instead, he did everything he could to forget about it. He buried the idea deep in his head as he went through the things for his lunch. It was too late to have breakfast so he'd have an early lunch instead. He pretended not to see the torn invitation when he had to chuck something or another into the wastebasket and why, no his eyes did  _not_  occasionally glance down to stare at it whilst he chopped vegetables. He had to get a band-aid when he nicked himself though and that delayed lunch because he could not even begin to think of where to look for the damned things.

He gets the casserole in the oven an hour and a half later though and he lets himself fall onto his couch where Yaki had been snoozing. He immediately got up on his feet and crawled all over Viktor the moment he was sitting. He yipped and pawed at his hand to get him scratching. Viktor obliged.

His eyes cast up to the ceiling, the dream swam before his eyes. 

" _You..._ " Viktor began lowly. " _and I..."_

Yaki ceased his yipping and looked up at him, frozen. 

Viktor continued. _"We're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky."_

It had not been the same song he'd played at the wedding. No, this song had been just for him and Yuuri. The rest of the world did not deserve to hear it, there was just so much of Viktor in it that could not be shared. It was his and Yuuri's song, his and Yuuri's love. 

 _"With you, I'm alive. Like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide."_ Viktor broke off with a stutter and he shook his head, willed the images away. What was the point? What was the point of being sentimental and thinking of the past? It was the  _past_ for a reason. There  _was no_ point. 

And yet he still did it. He brought it all back to think of and remember, to feel again and realize that he... he would never have this again. 

Never again.

He'd lost it all. 

Yaki whined pitifully and licked at his face, his neck, and nipped at his hands and Viktor shook himself out of the miserable state he'd put himself into. He offered the pup a smile that came off sad, incredibly sad as tears pricked at his eyes, shined without being shed. "I'll go... check on lunch, Yaki." 

The poodle followed him into the kitchen, keeping close. Viktor's heart burned with affection. He ate his food, swallowed each mouthful at a time and just tried... not to think of anything.

It was hard. 

At three o'clock he can't take the site of his house anymore. He threw on some running gear, made sure to stretch properly so he wouldn't hurt his leg, and got Yaki's leash out. The pup was much too excitable to be let out on his own, Viktor would not- could not- risk an accident. He's had enough of those to last him a life time. 

He jogs this way, a random route that deviated from his usual one with Yuri. The younger Russian was attending the wedding. For all his pretenses, Yuri had grown fond of the older Yuuri. Viktor saw it in the way he knew all these little things. Yuri had taken after him when he'd fallen into his coma, even when they'd been divorced, Yuri looked after Yuuri and it made Viktor's heart warmer. 

Viktor knew that the divorce hurt everyone around them, they were too loved by their friends to have not affected the others. Most of them had felt conflicted, they didn't know who to go to. Viktor had made it easier for all of them and made the decision for them, cut himself off from the rest of them. They tried to get back to him, bless them, but he would not let them.

It was for the better now, he was on great terms with everybody. Perhaps the forced time away from them had put things in perspective. 

He was doing okay. 

A half-hour into his jog and Viktor blanched at his surroundings. He'd been so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed that he was passing by a church.  _The Church._ Yuuri had pointed it out to him when he had taken Viktor out for a bike ride. They'd taken  _this_ route. Why... why did Viktor come this way? Was he... trying to kill himself or something? Or was this... was this a sign? 

Yaki stumbled in his steps when Viktor's paced slowed and he stopped altogether at the corner where the Church stood. His heart began to hammer in his chest, so hard it was almost like it wanted to get out, so hard it was painful. He literally put a hand on his chest and tried to soothe it with large circles. It did not help.

Yuuri was in there, all dressed in white and looking pretty. He was in there minutes away from getting married to a man who wasn't him. He was in there ready to spend his life with someone else. Or... was it over already? 

Viktor blinked at the empty pews, or that was what he could see from here. A few people lingered, but... did it not start yet? He looked around, noticed the wedding entourage's cars were no longer in the parking lot. 

_Oh._

The wedding was over. 

Whatever reason it was that he ended up here... was useless. 

Viktor shouldered whatever it was he was feeling (regret? hurt? anger? sadness? what? what was he feeling?) and pulled lightly on Yaki's leash and began his jog again. He tried to shove everything down, deep inside him where he wouldn't have to deal with it. He backtracked and hightailed it to the one place he wanted to be, Yaki enthusiastic about his suddenly renewed pace. 

They make it to the cemetery in record time and Viktor is out of breath, gasping as he made for Makkachin's grave. He almost tripped when Yaki all but barked - borked- and darted forward so hard and so fast that he would have choked on his collar if Viktor's grip on the leash hadn't grown loose and he inevitably let go. 

The poodle ran fast towards Makkachin's grave, as if he knew what was there, who was there. 

Viktor stopped in his step when it wasn't who he was expecting. 

Yuuri's knees were dirty, the cemetery grounds had ruined his white suite. His eyes are wide and rimmed red, he'd been crying. His shoulders were tense and the rise and fall of his chest was stunted, like his breath had been hitching not a moment before. He stared at Viktor in what could only be mirrored shock, a meter away before something in him snapped and Yuuri stomped his way towards him, he had fistfuls of Viktor's shirt in his hands, his entire body just...  _angry_. 

"Do you remember what you told me before you asked for a divorce?" 

Viktor could only gape, like a fish. Everything was happening too much too fast.

Yuuri answered for him. "I do. You called me  _selfish_. You called me selfish for quitting on our dream when I still had the chance and I accepted that. I told you you were right, I laid down my pride. I was just stupid enough to do it when you were already two years into your coma and  _no one thought you'd ever wake up_. And you are right, were right. I  _am_ selfish. I wanted you for myself, I wanted the world to never get to see who you were inside. They could have their Russian God, but Viktor... Viktor was mine." 

"I forget so much that I was also yours." Yuuri's eyes teared up, but they did not fall. "I'm not getting married." 

Viktor's eyes widened- er went wider. 

"I don't want to be Nicholas' husband. I want to be _yours._ Just yours." Yuuri's grip tightened even further, pulling them closer together. "I have been waiting all this time since you woke up. I have been waiting for you. I always have, I-I never stopped! Waiting for you to come back for me, to go after me and tell me that  _you and I belong together_." 

"W-We were divorced." Viktor managed to choke out weakly.

"Baka." Yuuri breathed and shook him by his shirt. "That shouldn't have been enough, Viktor. We were never meant to be apart. I know it, you know it, the whole world knows it, even  _Nicholas_ knows it." 

"Nicholas." Viktor echoed. 

"He told me." Yuuri said. "He told me that... that was why you weren't at the wedding. He thought- He thought that if he told you not to come, you'd be spurned even more to be there. He thought that that would push you into finally,  _finally_ , speaking for me. To ask for me." 

Viktor's head swam. That was why? That was... a tactic? Reverse psychology? "I would never betray your happiness in that way Yuuri. I would never have embarrassed you by objecting in front of so many people. You don't deserve that kind of humiliation. And even if I did, you would have never said yes."

"Stop! I'm saying yes right now!" Yuuri barked, eyes fierce. " **You are it for me, Viktor Nikiforov. You are _the one_**."

A moment passed between them, where they're just too shocked and there was too much emotion.

Yuuri licked his lips, his brain scrambling to find something to say. "I am selfish. So now... now I demand that you be my husband again."

"Husband." Viktor squeaked.

Yuuri's new-found confidence (pushed by anger) faltered for just a second. "B-Boyfriend? I'll take anything, just... I just want you back Viktor. If... If you'll have me." 

It was that moment there, where he saw Yuuri entirely. This was the same man he had flown continents for. This was the man that stole his heart whilst drunk and on a pole. This was the man that he saw so much in and had fought, tooth and nail, to get all that out. This was the man that made him start living again.

"I think I like the first one better. It has a nicer ring to it... husband." Viktor reached up to untangle Yuuri's hands from his shirt before he brought them close to his heart. "However, don't you think that... this may be moving a little too fast?"

"No." Yuuri breathed, his cheeks flushed. "I have been without you for four years, Viktor. I think... I think that's been long enough. Don't you?"

"Yuuri... you and I are different from who we were before. I... I see so much of you that I am not familiar with." Viktor pressed a kiss to his hands. "Give me time to get to know you again? Let me fall in love one more time? Isn't that half the fun?" 

Yuuri shivered, whether he was cold or whether it was because of all his feelings was up for debate. He took his time to process Viktor's words before he looked up and nodded. 

Viktor beamed and pulled him close. "I have dreamed so many times of hugging you. _I missed you so much."_

"You could have said  _something_." Yuuri grumbled, but he hugged him back. Tight. Tighter. So tight it was hard to breathe. 

"I was not going to ruin what I thought was a perfectly happy relationship. You were getting married for crying out loud!" Viktor seemed to snap out of it and he pulled back a bit to stare at Yuuri in shock. "Did you leave Nicholas at the altar? Yuuri the scandal!" 

Yuuri, who had been content to stay in Viktor's hold, blinked at him in a daze. "What? I didn't leave him at the altar.  _He_ stopped the wedding."

"What?"

Yuuri nodded. "He told me that... he couldn't get married to me when he knew that I loved someone else." 

Viktor tugged him close again. "I should send him a fruit basket."

"I think it's a little too soon for that..." Yuuri whispered, one of his hands cupped Viktor's face and just... stayed there. " _I missed you too. So much."_

"Yuuri..." Viktor wondered if Yuuri could feel his heart in his chest where they were pressed together. "I love you."

Yuuri knocked his head back so fast it almost hit Viktor's. His tears started to fall and he choked on a sob, a happy one if such a thing existed. "I l-love you too!"

* * *

 

 

 

"You go first."

"No, you go first."

Yuuri turned his head, a soft glare in his eyes. "You know this is hard for me too." 

Viktor persisted. "You go first." 

"No, you go first." 

_"Will someone fucking get them on the ice before skates start flying?!"_

Viktor licked at his lips. "Your son's angry."

"He's always angry." Yuuri smiled warily at the younger Russian already skating with Otabek by his side. He's lifted into the air in a show of strength before Mila grabbed him by the waist in another lift that sends him into hysterics because he had not been ready. 

The rest of their friends laugh and tease but no one made a move to get them on the ice forcibly.

They would do it when they were ready. 

Viktor stared longingly at the ice, the place where he felt most at home and had been unable to go to for so long already. He'd gotten his medical clearance, he was fit to ice skate. He could try for a quad if he dared. But... 

Yuuri waited for him, their blade guards already off. He had a hand in Viktor's hand, squeezing tight.

"Yuuri..." 

The Japanese man smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe tomorrow, then?"

"Da." Viktor felt a piece of his heart break and he pulled him close. "I'm sorry it's taking so long." 

"Don't worry about it." Yuuri pressed a kiss to his cheek, soft and warm. "We have all the time in the world. Don't you think?" 

Viktor kissed him on the lips then pulled his hand up to kiss the ring where it was back on his finger, back where it belonged.

"I do." 

* * *

**_F I N_ **

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CANT BELIEVE IT I HOPE THAT NO ONE IS DISAPPOINTED BY WHAT HAPPENED
> 
> Also, it's 6:44AM and I woke up at 4AM to write this for you all. Excuse any errors and what not. I shall now go to Church like a good Christian LOLOL. Happy Sunday!


	6. Interlude

So, I just wanted to thank everybody for this absolutely wild ride. 

If you wanted to know, the plot bunny from this story came from my old BlackBerry which has been dead for, what- two years? My sister decided to charge it back up for me and I found one of my old Shugo  Chara fanfics where all it says is;

"Nagihiko, don't you remember? We're divorced."

Then I posted the summary on the awesome FB group: 

And all the inspiration to write this catastrophe came from the people who were kind enough to leave comments encouraging/threatening that I continue.

Two days later we're here at the end and I gotta say that I have never recieved so many mixed signals before. Threats and confessions of love in the same sentence? NGGGGH you confuse me all JK.

The chapter titles are lyrics from [We The King's - Sad Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIGLBBfDe6A) I want you to take a moment to listen to it. Don't do anything else, it's just three minutes and fourty-two seconds long. So, please listen to it and if you wanna reread the story while it's playing, all the better! The feels hit harder that way. I have a piano version of it linked in the previous chapter so that you can have the whole thing when Viktor starts to play the piano. I hope you played it while reading ( = w = )

ALSO-- who wants to reread this thing and note all the times that Yuuri looked to Viktor for a sign that Viktor still loved him? It was hard for Yuuri too cause he was hoping Viktor would like, ask them to get back together but Viktor is all "I'm happy for you Yuuri." So... yeah. Pain everywhere. 

Now, this is not just one long ass author's note. It's also a preview for the *drumroll* SEQUEL! It's full of fluff, I swear. I promised a few/LOT of people that I'd make up for all this angst by writing something fluffy.

So, look out for

Title: [Photograph](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKWKD9RVQWA)

Summary (atm): Viktor and Yuuri's wedding journey for the second time. Docummented by Phichit and the gang of course ;) .

You excited? You think I can make you cry again but with happiness this time?

It's okay too if you guys are tired of me and my writing ahahaha. I still have Worth War, Homebound, and Make Sense Of It All to finish RIP. All my well wishers on the former story, I'm doing much better and so is my family! Thank you everyone!

Until next time~

Nique

PS. OKAY I'M GONNA START STUDYING FOR MY MIDTERMS NA TALAGA WISH ME LUCK PLEASE HUHU

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you make it to the end! Bear the pain!!


End file.
